Thanksgiving, standing over the turkey about to cut in: "I'm going to gut you like a Cornish game hen. "
During a colonoscopy or prostate exam: "I love this doctor!"
Reading your sisters diary: "Wave goodbye to your secret crap, dumbass!"
During a fight with a girl: "You want a second opinion? You're also ugly! "
Funeral: "Here's something you shoulda built: a not dyin' machine. "
In a prison shower: "And now he's here to *bleep* us!"
After disappointing sex?: "I'm not even winded!"
That's all I can think of...well the clean ones ;P